Category: Joke Board
There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason.
There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine!
Southerners know their summer Weather report:
Humidity & Heat
Humidity & Heat
Humidity & Heat
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Southerners know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick
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Southerners know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
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Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Speaking of gone with the wind......
Do you know how a tornado and a southern divorce are alike?
Answer:
Somebody is gonna lose a trailer!!!!
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Southerners know their religions:
Bapdiss
Methdiss
Football
Oh yes, and Nascar!!!!!!
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Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
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Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
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Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
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Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
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Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white,
granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is
a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis,
they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and"a right far piece."
They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line,"we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y'all is singular, "all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also
a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."
Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say, Bless her sweet little heart".. and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....
bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah !
Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a been!
If you're a Northern transplant, bless your heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could.
Bless her heart. Lol
lol
Yes yes...
At's right, Yall!
this is so damn funny, yall! I'll text it to my friend and call her shuga! :d
Hahahahaha! As someone who is engaged to a Southerner, I understand these a lot better than I once would have. And for Heaven's sake, don't say Biloxi, as in Mississippi, with an o. It's pronounced Biluxi. I do get that one, as I can't stand when people say Des Moines or Illinois with the S at the end.
I always try and pronounce southern things as they ask. After all, I hate it when
people pronounce my home state of Oregon as OreeGone. It's not gone, it
hasn't gone anywhere. Lol so to that end, when I lived in Florida I I did what I
could to pronounce things correctly.
Lol, I heard Oregon pronounced that way for the first time the other day. It does indeed sound ridiculous.
Omg, I absolutely love this. One thing that I do wanna shed some light on though is that there are two words, "Directly," and Drekley." drekley is what we southerners use, and it means after while... anywhere from 2 minutes to 6 hours from now. Drekley is in the dictionary, or at least it was in there a few years ago, though they mighta taken it out by now. alright, now don't give me hell over this post, or I'll pitch a fit. Y'all hear?
LOL Anthony. I'd love to hear you pitch a fit.
I can't pitch one without a reason... Well, I could, but people already think I'm emo enough as it is. LOL
Excellent...
A few months ago I downloaded a book from BARD with this type of humor hoping the narrator would read with an accent or at least try. But I was disappointed. However, I did still find some parts humorous.
Does anyone know of audiobooks in which the narrator produces the quality of zany characters or other characters who speak with a unique accent? Anyone? Anyone? So far I haven't found many on BARD...probably just the narrator for The Master and Margarita.
In case anyone is interested, the title of that book is Curing the Cross-Eyed Mule: Appalachian Mountain Humor.
as far as the whole southern accent, Yvonne Fair Tessler was wonderful, Elona Dulaski and Christin Allison are really good as well. They bring their southern characters to life. Laura Generelli doesn't count, since she makes all southern men sound drunk as hell. Other than that, she's really good as well.
haha I like this!
You mentioned Oregon being mispronounced, but y'all furgot "Worshington." Hahaha! That gets on my last nerve! LOL